Ego Much?

Studliest stud . . . yeah he was smooth alright. Still is.

Matt likes to leave out a few of the details. Certainly I begged him to come. But that was because he seemed so depressed about the breakup, now I realise it was all a manipulative ploy to get me to want him more, and it appears our whole relationship has been built on lies. Oh well, I can deal. I begged, and he agreed to come.

By the time Matt arrived at my house, Molly, Sean, Melody, Ernest, Phillip and my younger cousin Kristine were already enjoying watching MTV and passing out my gifts. My friends went in and bought me a sweet net sleeve shirt and a tee that had Kurt Cobain's face on it. It was a great birthday so far. With Molly stuck to Sean's lap, I had plenty of time to hang out with Matt, my dream guy, all by myself. He played up the sad face enough for me to invite him into the backyard, just the two of us.

"I don't even know why I'm here, I mean, other than you I don't exactly have friends here." He stated.

"Well I'm your friend and that's all that matters." I replied.

We talked about relationships, the problems he went through with Molly and how he felt that she lead him on, broke his heart and he just wasn't special. Such a little liar.

I reached out and I took his hand with a bright smile, "You're special to me." I said just as I heard the door open.

"Hey guys," Josh said and took the empty seat to my right. Matt and I continued to talk, Josh now involved in the conversation as well. Instead of a loving flirtatious conversation between Matt and I, with Josh there it seemed more like a suicide intervention on his behalf. Josh was after all, his best friend.

The others soon joined us and we began our merry little high school games. We truthed the dare, spun the bottle and eventually realised that all we wanted to do was mak eout with one another, so we decided to play "who's the best kisser". The guys loved it. Heck, the girls loved it too! Matt wasn't however the only person to have to kiss their ex, as I had dated Ernest for a bit during the early part of the year.

As we girls moved down the line, I passed over Ernest and Phil easily, knowing they were waiting for Molly anyhow. Sean came first afterwards and my crush instantly faded when we kissed. It was awful beyond all understanding. Josh was next, and though we'd been dating for a few weeks now, we hardly ever kissed, especially in public.

And then there was Matt. Molly's Matt . . .  no . . .  My Matt.

Our first kiss; I don't remember all the details. I do remember that I was nervous, and I remember feeling a spark, and staring into his eyes as we pulled away. I felt guilty immediately. Mostly because I lied when I said that my current boyfriend had won the contest, and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes focused on my present beau.

The night pressed on, and soon I found myself on the couch, a lump in my stomach as I intertwined my fingers with Joshs', wondering the whole time when Matt was leaving, and if after tonight I'd ever really see him again. Josh eventually stood, being beckoned home by his mother, and I kissed his cheek and watched him walk down the road.


"Hey, where's my shirt?" Matt said as a large white and blue van pulled into my driveway. His Mom was here and now he had to leave. I sighed and committed the moments of that night to memory, figuring that he'd never hang out with our group again, all thanks to Molly.

But then something happened.

He stood in front of me, and suddenly I felt small, frail almost, but in that good way that a girl wants to feel when she's with the guy that makes her heart skip multiple beats. He hugged me and I breathed him in. His scent was intoxicating. I didn't want the night to end. He was my dream guy and I'd settle for being just his friend as long as those hugs went on forever. And then he did it. He studded the studliest stud move in the world.

"If Josh wasn't in the picture, I'd move on you so quick."

My breath taken away, my jaw on the floor and my heart in my throat, I watched as he turned once, smiled and then walked out the door. I watched the van drive off, and about a thousand different things ran through my head, but mostly, I smiled and held my hand to my chest in order to count the number of times my heart beat in a single second.

"Something wrong?" My cousin said as she walked over, wondering what I was looking at.

"I think I just experienced a very surreal moment in life."

She shrugged and walked away. So few people got me back then. So few do now.

He was a stud. How dare he walk away on that line! It was like a movie! A horrible teen romance movie and I didn't know what my lines were! Should I run to catch the plane, get the lead in the play opposite him, or perhaps I should have stepped into a leather outfit and break into song. After a minute of watching the empty street, focused on the breaking point where Matt's van drove away, and the few steps it took to get to Josh's house, I turned around with my back against the front door and tried to focus my breathing.

The doorbell that rang moments snapping me out of my trance, and I had to try and calm down again before I reopened it. As I did, there before me stood Matt. Once tall and full of ego, the studliest stud, now looked shamefully at the ground.

He cleared his voice and spoke soft. "I umm . . . forgot my contact case."

Our romance had turned into a comedy and I knew my lines now.

"Come on in," I said with a bit of sing song in my voice, almost daring him to try and get by me without looking me straight in the eye.

Matt rushed and grabbed his things. "Bye," He said, but I wasn't going to let him get away that easy.

"Just one second," I said and shut the door. "What did you say to me before you left?" I wanted to hear it again, mostly because some part of me was afraid I had suffered some sort of brain collapse and had heard it wrong the first time.

Matt refused at first, begged me to forget he ever existed, and then finally sighed, and with much less confidence uttered, "I said if Josh wasn't in the picture, I'd move on you so quick." He repeated it verbatim, the line was obviously practiced before it ever left his lips.

I smiled, now a bit cocky myself and with my fourteen year old womanish charms, I leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "Well if Josh wasn't in the picture, I might just letcha."

And then I opened the door, allowed him to gather his jaw from the floor, and see himself out as I walked away, never once turning around to see if he was watching me.

I later hated myself for not thinking about Josh for the rest of the night, but how could I? Josh wasn't even acting like he liked me anymore, and suddenly out of nowhere this wonderful boy who I had fantasised about for over 6 months was hitting on me! I had pleanty of time to feel guilty later.

And I did.