Quando? - By The Husband

Quando doesn't mean anything to me. I use it as a universal question; that's right devoted readers (the two of you), I am too lazy sometimes to actually say, "What, why, where, when, and who," and simply udder, "Quando?" quizzically and let the other person I'm conversing with fill in their own blanks so I can hurry up the pain that it is to pontificate with the dregs of society that overfill my workplace. I would much rather find ways to play, "Trogdor the Burnanator," or "Tetris," for free, than hear about your dog/baby/day.

So Molly was single. Did I really want to date her? No. She did, however, want to date me. Just where I liked 'em, desperate. Which would be a much better show by the way, "Desperate Schoolgirls." I think that slot has been filled by "Girls Gone Wild." She was indeed desperate and word had it, easy.

I again was only 15 and thrilled in the chase, and was only interested in making out. I wasn't that "ready" that early. That and I had yet to hear the fabulous idea brought from a friend from the distant land of Idaho, by way of Utah, called "NCMO." It stands for "Non-Committed Make Out," which consists of finding easy girls to make out with with no attachments to said make out. It was genius, that sadly went un-implemented by me.

I waited my self created, "one day rule of chivalry" to ask her out. I figured that was more than enough time for a wounded relationship to fix itself and for the two parties invested in previously stated relationship to get back together. To this day I do not remember how I asked Molly to be my girlfriend. I only remember her giggling and hugging me. I seem to remember jumping, but if there was in fact "Joy" that the jumping was for, it has faded from memory.

I don't remember much of the relationship itself either. I mean there was the prerequisite holding of hands in the hallways, kissing here and there, and meeting at a mutual friends house to make out in a closet. But everything else has poofed into the ether. I do remember telling her I loved her way too early in. I said it to a few girls, not in a manipulative way that other boys did, a prelude to sex, but because it gave me a funny feeling in my stomach to say it for the first time to someone new. There were long calls after school, with my parents being pissed about the phone usage. You may remember a time when a phone call and the internet could not be used at the same time.

After a week or two of professions of an emotion that I was nowhere close to understanding, she broke up with me over the phone. I was devastated. For a day or two. I didn't really like her as much as I thought I did. So I used my "pain" to get closer to some of her friends. For it was truly one of her friends I was interested in to begin with. The one with the ear to ear smile. Jia.