Oblivious - By The Husband

Don't get me wrong, my wife's summation on his looks were spot on. Remember that big red guy all made out of hair and a pair of sneakers on Looney Tunes? The one that they modeled after Lenny in "Of Mice and Men," you know the one, he would always go "Wheredidhego George? Wheredidhego?" There is an old episode of Looney Tunes where someone defends themselves against aforementioned beast with a hair clipper and the after math is shaggy red hair pooled around a lone pair of worn out sneakers. Its a classic, anyway back on point, they skipped a scene in which they revealed the actual face to be the face of a naked man ape. That was Justin, some forgotten missing link.

Or quite possibly the result of a gorilla breeding with a lady, and just before birth she fell down stairs. Massive flights of them. I make it sound like I hate Looney Tunes but the red guy and Marvin the Martian were always my favorite. In all honesty Justin had never once done me wrong. Actually, other than some bad times with one of my best friends, I have never had a bad reaction towards me made by one of "The Wife's" exes. Justin actually once came to my rescue when I was brutally attacked in high school, which resulted in the worst bloody nose I have ever gotten in my entire life.

An attack by a girl.

Molly.

It was around fall-ish before winter (which in New Mexico actually peaks sometime in the middle of January), "Wifey" was with "Monkeyboy", and I was in a slow period in relationships, (two weeks without a girl to call my own). At the time I had a girl buzzing about my head as annoying as gnats. Her name was Tara. She was an ex-catholic schoolgirl, meaning she was catholic, went to public school and had some great outfits.

She was blond and had never kissed a boy before. I was dark, broody and had just ended a relationship in which all I did was make out and have my head messed with. Ah, high school. I think I had so much time out of dating because of the head games, but I was wanting back in.

It was still warm out, not all that much going on and some of my friends were gathered around one of the schools placed foliage spots, a small twiggy tree, that even this early into fall had lost its will to convert carbon dioxide into oxygen. The air was drying out, and I had had a nosebleed the night before. I could see that Molly was talking to a group of our friends and had her back to me.

For anyone that has been a boy, there is no greater joy in life than scaring the bejeezus out of an attractive female. Plus you get to touch them and they get pissed about being scared but not about being grabbed. I had perfected "dark and broody" so well, and in my head wanted nothing more than to be a vampire, so when I scared girls I did it without grabbing. I would just loom over a shoulder and let them discover me. This time I had not earned a playful hit on the arm though, and a "Stop it, Oh my gah, you scared me."

Instead she flailed and caught me in my (already what I thought was blood drained) nose. Oh how wrong I was. You would have though she broke my nose. I didn't think to, or was too proud to plug my nose and hold my head back. Instead I needed a heavy flow maxi pad badly, and stood there there like an idiot.

Meanwhile, we were by the lunch room doors so I was a spectacle for hundreds of students. Which eventually came to include Tara, who stood agape at the crowd of people pointing and laughing at me because a girl had punched me in the face (and my face in quick response geysered). She yelled to a friend to get me some napkins and sprang into action like a WWII field nurse. It was under-appreciated. I didn't really care. I thought it was funny.

Around this time Jia and "Chee Chee the idiot monkey who dances for quarters," (who had been in banana mode till now) exited the cafeteria area and came upon us, me with my nose obliterated, Molly looking horrified, and Tara doting and buzzing about.

Justin yelled, "Who the heck was it!? I'll kill him!" Everyone at once pointed at Molly as she burst into tears. Justin, confused began checking his head for lice and devouring what he found. All in all, aside for shortly later ruining the school nurses lunch break and linoleum, it was a good day.

Anyway, onto the winter dance and the title of my post. Tara had been calling me for weeks and had been finding me in the halls at school asking me about the dance. I had explained that in my hatred for the school, life, dancing, and 7 dollar soda, I was boycotting the dance. I had been doing so also because tickets were 20 dollars as well. EACH! She had been dropping hints like a guy with herpes drops his phone number at a club. However I was born with a PENIS, and I like GIRLS so I don't get girls hints very easily. Be blunt ladies, for the sake of mankind, be blunt.

So it came down to the day before the ball, a girl that I had known for years but I always thought was out of my league, Sara, came up to me, tickets in hand and asked me to go with her. Don't get me wrong, I was 15 years old and bullet proof, but she was smart and after talking to her for years she could see right through my bullcrap. That scares a man, once you can see through a man's bullcrap, all we have left is the ability to think on our feet, and that is like 75% bullcrap.

I said yes, and I asked her to go out with me that night under the spotlight. She asked me "Where to?" and I realized she wasn't as smart as I thought she was. And then she was my girlfriend. After the dance that night, I still kept contact with Tara who explained that I had missed my shot with her. She had been trying to get me to go with her to the dance, where she was going to ask me out.

I broke up with my dancing girl a week later to go out with Tara, and I was with Tara for a couple weeks, (before her catholic mother made her dump me) and I was on he prowl yet again.

I love my wife and the life I ended up with but I will always think of my dancer as the one that got away.